When jokes
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck? Incest.
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭