When jokes
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
When the school lets you near children again...
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
I will stop making fun of orphans when their parents come back.
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"