When jokes

What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?

A boner.

What do classical musicians do when they die?

They decompose.

I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.

My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.

What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.

Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?

A: Pulled pork.

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?

Ooh, snickerdoodles!

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

I've been told I've got a perfect cock.

She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

What do we want? Plane noises!

When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."