When jokes
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?
Beefthoven!
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?
When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."