When jokes

I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.

The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?

Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

What did the bee say to the flower?

"Hey bud! When do you open?"

When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

Yo mama so ugly that when she looked at the sun, it exploded.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.

I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺