When jokes
What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
When do cows moo? Moosday.
When the card declines on child insurance.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?
Everywhere...
Yo mama so fat that when she went out in high heels, she came back in flip flops.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.