When jokes
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
What did Trump say to Ukraine when Putin bombed them?
"It was Antifa!!!! And China!!!!"
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
When do cows moo? Moosday.
When the card declines on child insurance.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?
Everywhere...
Yo mama so fat that when she went out in high heels, she came back in flip flops.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.