When jokes

You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.

Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?

Everywhere...

Yo mama so fat that when she went out in high heels, she came back in flip flops.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

"Stop telling these orphan jokes!! Maybe some people that read these are orphans!"

I'll stop telling orphan jokes when their parents come back.

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye.

But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it...

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Your forehead goes back to when Burger King was Burger Prince.