When jokes
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
When your girlfriend tells you she's a guy: "What, bitch? Naw, hell no!"
What did the orphan do when he got punched?
Nothing, because his parents weren't there! :)
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
When the emo kid went to high five the tree, the tree left him hanging.
FUCK EMO KIDS!
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!