When jokes

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

He gets toad.

Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?

Because they only gave him one test tickle.

When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?

You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

When does a pentagon only have 4 sides?

When a plane hits it.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

I always use chloroform when stealing a child.

When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What sound does an Indian make when you're trying to fuck it? ieieieie.

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?

"Holy shit, I burnt one."

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.