When jokes
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?
Panera said.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.
What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?
Panera fed.
Credit to RogueRobot for this one:
What does Panera sleep in?
Panera bed.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
What do you call it when Panera Bread shuts down?
Panera is dead.
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is running away?
Panera fled.
Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.
I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.
When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
What do you get when you cut an onion?
Onion jizz.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"