When jokes
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
When you see someone, you say, "Go suck bananas."
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
Yo mama so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.