When jokes
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
He gets toad.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
When does a pentagon only have 4 sides?
When a plane hits it.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
When does an Emo wake up in the morning? After the rooster says, "Cutadoodledo!"
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
What sound does an Indian make when you're trying to fuck it? ieieieie.
Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?
'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.
What was Jesus' reaction when the first black person was born?
"Holy shit, I burnt one."
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
You: I have a nice hairline.
Your friend: Since when do you have one?
You: I forgot.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.
A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.