Whats jokes
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
What did the Indian say to the cow?
I lowe you, moo than anything.
A girl walks into the church and confesses.
Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "How have you sinned, may I ask?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "He held my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (He holds the girl's hand.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That does not explain why you called a man a bitch."
Girl: "He started taking off my clothes."
Priest: "Like this?" (He takes off the girl's clothes.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what."
Priest: "Like this?" (He puts his you know what into her you know what.)
Girl: "Yes, Father! Yes, Father!"
Priest: "Then what?"
Girl: "Then he got up and left me naked."
Priest: "That son of a bitch!"
What's an emo's favorite game? Fruit Ninja.
What sport are Mexicans the best at?
Cross country.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
Aiden's the best, in any contest, and no matter what, he'll kick your butt!
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What does LMAO mean?
Launching missiles at orphanage.
What is a group of emo kids called?
A suicide squad.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
If you're bored, pull a Technoblade, bully orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What did Saturn say to Uranus? Hi.
What does BLM stand for?
Biden loves millennials.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What is the definition of Endless Love?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis!