What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
what do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
spoiled milk
What planet did Hitler hate the most? Jewpiter.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehed.
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Kid: dad what is it like to be drunk Dad: you see those 2 trees over there, if you were drunk you would see 4 Kid: dad there is only 1 tree
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
what is a pedophiles favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal....
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What do you call an autistic kid coming to school with a gun ? Special Forces incoming !!
What does an Al Qaida terrorist and a flexible man have in common? They can blow themselves
me: do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
bank teller: [eyes wide] uhhhhh
me: *scratches head with gun* man, i hate it when this happens
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie
Family photo
Q. What's a Disabled person's favourite band A. System of of a Down's Syndrome.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
