What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
Whats Jokes
What do you call an Asian prostitute?
Suck Mi Dong.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
If the formula of water is H2O, then what is the formula of ice?
H2O cubed.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
