Whats jokes

What do painters and prostitutes have in common?

They're both paid for a good finish.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

What is a pedophile's favorite song?

Jerking off in A minor.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?

"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?

The first airplane.

What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?

Stephen Hawking.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

What do you call an Asian prostitute?

Suck Mi Dong.

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

What do you call two Mexicans fighting? Juan on Juan.

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.