Whats jokes
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
What is a pedophile's favorite song?
Jerking off in A minor.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.