Whats jokes
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
What do you call a German lesbian?
A krautmuncher.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.