Whats jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's best side?
The left.
What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do ya call a group of emo kids hanging from a tree? Ornaments.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
One of them has a family tree.
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?
An octobrave.
What is 6 inches and has nuts?
A Snickers bar.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
What do you call the fighters with an extra chromosome?
Downy unstopables.