Whats jokes
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Do you know what you call a bunch of depressed kids?
"Suicide Squad!"
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of toddlers.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
What’s a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.