Whats jokes
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
Memes
What do you call an Autistic kid?
A work of Daniel.
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
What do you call a dick playing badminton?
A shuttlecock.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.
As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"