Whats jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What’s a lesbian’s favorite sport? Dodge balls.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
Memes
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. It just "waved!"
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”