Whats jokes
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Memes
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."
What is the Titanic's favorite mint?
Icebreakers.
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.