When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm and I asked her what she was doing and she answered "Oh I had to buy you so I don't steal you"
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope
What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce field?
seizure salad
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
The teacher is asking you a question. Teacher: If your biggest dream came true, what would you be? Me: dead.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
What happens when a clock is hungry It goes back four seconds.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
what do get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What's that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
A white dad,a priest and a rhabi all run out a burning school and the dad says “what about the kids” and the rhabi reply’s to him saying “fuck the kids” and the priest says “think we got enough time”
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: I found you, Boy: what gave me away, Girl: ur parents obviously
what do ambulances and gay men have in common? they both take it in the back and go whoop whoop :D
what is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi? A. a PadaJuan
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex? A microtransaction.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out
