Whats jokes
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
Me when I’m texting somebody and their spelling is so bad I can’t understand what they’re saying
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.
That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!