Whats jokes
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!