Whats jokes
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.