What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Whats Jokes
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
