Whats jokes
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What has three balls and flies through space?
E.T. the extra testicle.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.