Whats jokes
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
Memes
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do on guitar?
Fingering A minor.
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.