Whats jokes
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
Memes
Damn and i thought i was dumb
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.