Whats jokes
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
Memes
what the world is wrong with steve
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.