Whats jokes
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What’s the best part about banging twenty-eight year olds? There are twenty of them.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)