Whats jokes
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
What do you call a German man who can't see?
A not see.
Why can't orphans play poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
lmfao true
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".