Whats jokes

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

What do you call a German man who can't see?

A not see.

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?

A water gun.

What do you call someone smart and dead?

Stephen Hawking...

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?

- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

The suicide squad.

What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?

Down Quijote.

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?

Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.