What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Whats Jokes
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
