Whats jokes
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
Memes
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.