What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
Whats Jokes
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?
Cross country.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
