Whats jokes
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?
You can't beat a cheetah!
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.