Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
What do incest families do on Halloween? Pumpkin
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS? If you stop giving money to a church you won't go to prison
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
What's the best way to cure the hiccups? Suicide.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
A teaher gives her kindergarden students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors the students guess cherry lime and orange. They dont know th last flavor. So the teacher gives them and hint and say its what your parents call each other. [honey] But a little girl shouts and says “ OMG there assholes.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
why were 6 scared of 7? 7 8 9 then why was 10 affraid? it was between 9/11.
what do u think was going thru the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43? floor 44 💀💀
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? they both start at 12.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? -- They both want to get there before the hare does.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan? One baby in three trashcans.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I'd hit that.
