Whats jokes

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after the lesbian vampire was done licking the pussy of the heterosexual woman?

"When is your next blood period?"

What war did Africa not win? The water fight.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.

Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?

Optimistic.

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.