Whats jokes
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?
"I guess orange is the new black."
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
This is whats going to happen to all the junior high girls on here.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
What's harder than steel? Joe Biden at a playground.
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.