Whats jokes

Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?

Optimistic.

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

What are the best shooting ranges in America?

Schools.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.

What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?

"Juan Direction."

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.