what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
Whats Jokes
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What's the difference between a sack of dead babies and a Mercedes?
I don’t have a Mercedes.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
