Whats jokes
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?
They ketchup.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.
"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.