Whats jokes
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.
What do Drake and math have in common? They’re both hard for kids.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
Memes
What I if told you
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be 10 babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be one baby in ten trashcans.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.