Whats jokes
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in a bathtub?
Vegetable soup.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
always happens to me
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.