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What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

What do us emos all have in common?

Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?

Panera misled.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?

Panera bloodshed.

What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?

Good question.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."