Whats jokes
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.