Whats jokes
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"
What are the 2 fights Africa could never win?
A food fight and a water fight!
What type of game is Africa playing at the moment?
The Hunger Games!
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red and black and white and white and black and red and red and black and red and white and black and red and red and red and red?
A penguin in a blender.
A boy asks his father:
"What is politics?"
Father answers:
"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"
The boy says:
"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.