Whats jokes
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? Sneakers.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The w.
Q: You have problems, I think your disease is BOOFA.
Q: What boofa?
A: Boofa deez nuts in yo mouth!
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"