Whats jokes
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
Friend: Eric, spell mouse.
Eric: M O U S.
Friend: Yes - But what's on the end of it?
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
What is the real name of Canada?
Punjabistan
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!!!!!!! Hahahaha. Banta everyone on this site has 0 life and should leave.
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."