What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
Whats Jokes
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.
What has 3 legs, 4 arms, and 5 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
The baby cries when I cut it, but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!
Bill was on a hill. What a hillbilly!
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.