Wedding jokes
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why can’t orphans be married?
Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
Who did the bee 🐝 marry?
Her honey!
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.