Wedding jokes

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

Why can’t orphans get married?

Because they were already given away.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I was at an emotional wedding. The cake was in tiers.

Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.