Wedding jokes

Marriage

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

Bee

What do bees do when they get married?

They go on a honeymoon.

Orphan

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

Memes

Marriage

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

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  • Marriage

    I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

    Drunk

    What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

    Marriage

    My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

    Funeral

    My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

    But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

    School shooting

    Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?

    Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.

    Marriage

    Roses are red, violets are blue.

    YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...

    Woman

    A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

    Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

    "Our wedding video."

    Sister

    Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

    A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

    Incest

    What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

    Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

    Apple

    An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

    Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

    My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.