Wedding jokes

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?

Panera Wed.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?

Because she loves raisin kids.

I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.

Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?

Because they had a connection.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

You want to hear some marriage jokes?

Don't worry, it's just a couple.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?

Mourning wood.

I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.

How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?

He toasts the groom.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....