Weapon jokes
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
Mother got shot, damn.
Father got shot, damn.
Sister got shot, damn.
Brother got shot, damn.
Auntie running away with a shotgun!
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
Bullets.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."