Weapon jokes
Roses are red, I have free candy, get in my van, I have a gun handy.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.
What's the difference between an orphan's life and a knife?
A knife has a point.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
I’m not racist. I just have black guns.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”