Weapon jokes

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

I’m not racist. I just have black guns.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

What do you call an abo with a shotgun?

Sir.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

What’s comes after 9 Millimeter?

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.

Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.

I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.

Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.

How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"