Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Dream Stans: Technoblade died too soon.
Technoblade's Dad: He was only 23 years old!
Pig's average lifespan: Only 15 – 20 years (23 years old is way above).
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
what's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your way into someone's pants
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
Here are 4 different ways to do UwU.
1. UwU 2. OwO 3. OwU 4. UwO
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2FChannel933sd%2Fphotos%2Fa.123852890990412%2F3283184785057191%2F%3Ftype%3D3&psig=AOvVaw3a0QTL4ocuGMs-w26p1ln7&ust=1652985525099000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAkQjRxqFwoTCLiBjojZ6fcCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAn
best way to do it
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
Not a joke; just a statement:
Everything on here is unoriginal! 😂 But just because every word on here is unoriginal, it doesn’t change the way we feel. Our feelings are the only thing that is original because our feelings are our own. Even though others have the same or similar feelings! Our feelings are still our own. And sharing those feelings with words spoken from another just means we are NOT ALONE in our feelings.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
