water's jokes

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes, and that’s when he realized... Jack had fucked Jill’s daughter.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"

The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

If the formula of water is H2O, then what is the formula of ice?

H2O cubed.

What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.

Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?

Because daddy never came back home with the milk.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came home with the milk.

Why do orphans have water in their cereal?

Because their dad never came home with the milk.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

NASA found water on Mars.

Mars - 1

Africa - 0

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.

Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."

You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.