water's jokes

Suicide

    • Btw friend here also wants to do suicide.

    Friend: Why did I cross the road? Me: To get to the other side. Friend: True!

    Friend: Hey let's go hang out at the forest today! Me: Ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* Friend: Hey at least we did it!

    Friend: What's the best thing about me? Me: You will eventually end. Friend: Hmmmmmm . . . true!

    Friend: What historical time influenced you the most? Me: The great depression.

    If I could be an object I'd be glass because I'm see-through and I can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!

    My parents sometimes say I'm their sunshine! . . . because I'm painful if you look at me.

    Teacher: What does km/s mean? Me+like almost all of the class: *in unison* It means kill myself but misspelled.

    Friend: What's the best way to end a game? Me: With death. Friend: . . . Hmmm now that you think about it yeah! That's the best way!

    When you're about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you can't litter there.

    Google says that you're about 75% water but I'm made of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress.

    Brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more.

    How do you keep weeds away? Just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. Problem solved.

    When you take antidepressants but they don't work it will just make you more depressed and that's a fact.

    A bored depressed suicidal person: *sees a dying person* Dying person: P-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* Bored depressed suicidal person: Hmmmm ur an ambulance Dying person: *manages to get back up* Bored depressed suicidal person: Oooooohh goddddd Dying person: *in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~

    Roses are red, Inside I'm dead, I have crippling depression, Some one pls shoot my head.

    When you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they don't. You: *panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*

    The only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself.

    A made-up story starting now. So I went to school as usual. There's a school shooting. All the depressed suicidal people: *crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME A made-up story starting ending.

    In this one the friend isn't suicidal. Friend: Wanna play a game? Me: Life wait no a game has a meaning. Friend: . . . *crickets* Friend: Calls suicide hotline. Me: Wait no!!!!!

    Me: *has crippling depression* *asks mom why I was born* Mom: Hmmm I think I was drunk and on a lotta drugs. Me: Hmmm tysm *gets the rope* Mom: *making hanging puns* Me: *hurries to the trash truck*

    Me: At this point I've lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that I don't struggle with it now, I'm good at it and it's all normal.

    Hope you enjoyed.

    Mother

    • "Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

    - Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

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    • water's memes

    Glass

    • An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

    A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

    A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

    Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

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    • Pastor

    • The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

    "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

    The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

    Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

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    • Boat

    • One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.

    Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.

    Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."

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    • Orphan

    • Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

    Teacher: What?

    Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

    Teacher: Why water?

    Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

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    • Girl

    • Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

    Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

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    • Beer

    • So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

    Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

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