One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
Water Jokes
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.
Now that's a hell of a ghost story!
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water, hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
According to scientists, there has been a discovery of water on Mars.
Mars-1
Africa-0
Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.
Do you know what Fortnite was like before season 2 chapter 3? They put the Foundation / The Rock in the water where aliens were that season.
Why are midgets constantly thirsty?
They can't reach the drinking fountains.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
